Let Me Be Me

I don’t want to be anyone else she said as she looked out the window. But you have to be, said the inner voice within her. As her stomach tightened and she could feel the pain of so many wounds’ surfacing, she looked down as tears welled in her eyes. But I’ve worked so hard to be me again. I know said the voice. It is still not good enough. You are not enough. She began to cry. Tears streaming down her cheeks sliding down quicker with each thought, each doubt she entertained. I want to be me she cried. I know I am not perfect. I can be too much. I can be loud, come in like a hurricane, focus on the wrong things. I can be angry and let the actions and energy of others negatively impact my day. I can be, as she sobbed silently, my worst version of myself. Everything you never wanted to see or accept. I am different. I am not like everyone else. She starts getting angry as she begins to pick herself apart through the eyes of those who will never see her. She mockingly asks rhetorical questions venting her frustrations with each inquiry, “Why can’t you be like everyone else? Why can’t you let things go? Why can’t you just tell people when you are free? Why do you have to be so precise? Why do you have to care so much? Why are you so intense? “UGH,” she screams into the pillow beside her as she stands now pacing the room. “I will never be like everyone else. I will never fit in to your world or be as you want me to be. I will never understand why you care about such ridiculous things and I do not want to. But what really baffles me and makes me want to scream, is why I can let you be you but you can’t let me be me.”

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