Metaphorically Shitting On My Doorstep 💩

I find it amusing when people behave in an inappropriate way only to then turn around and try to act as if someone else is at fault. Unevolved, emotionally stifled, and lacking in way more than just class, these individuals go through life bumping into others and thinking they are the victims or acting as if nothing happened. They believe their behavior is copacetic. For anyone to be upset results in shock and instant projection. These are the people who go through life half asleep. They think they know everything, their way is the only way, and they can never do wrong.

Metaphorically shitting on my doorstep is when someone cannot effectively manage their world or storm and as a result makes a mess on my doorstep. Like doorbell ditching but different. They do not ring your doorbell. They brazenly walk onto your property, walk up to your door, pull down their pants, take a crap and walk away. The intent is not to be playful or mischievous. It is to relieve themselves of their shit and delegate some of that to you. When they behave in such a manner,  it is a complete lack of awareness. Whether conscious or not, it is the opposite of taking accountability for their actions.

In rehab they teach the importance of cleaning up your side of the street. This analogy refers to owning your actions, your behavior, and your choices. It also implies the importance of taking inventory of your own life, throwing away what is no longer positively serving you and prioritizing what does.

An example of behaving in the opposite way, is a man I will call the nosy control freak. The nosy control freak likes everything in its place, including people. The nosy control freak is the guy who appointed himself the modern-day version of neighborhood watch except his watching is more perverse. When he doesn’t like someone’s behavior, he prides himself on writing unsigned notes and leaving them in my mailbox. The nosy control freak works from home and thinks he is entitled to have a reason for every agitation. When a dog barks for longer than he thinks is acceptable, instead of closing his door and windows, he opens them. Rather than ignoring any disturbances, he welcomes them as an opportunity to engage in conflict.

In his mind his tantrums are warranted and legitimate.  It is my fault for living my life in a way he disapproves. His way of letting me know of his disapproval is to metaphorically shit on my doorstep, flip the script and try to pass the hot potato my way believing I’ll actually catch it.

When he and his wife take their dog for a walk, they turn and walk the opposite way when they see me or my family. Of course, when we tried to bring the dog barking and note leaving to his attention and address it like actual grown-ups, he did what any cowardly bully would do, he hid in his office and avoided confrontation. Having an adult conversation was apparently too much to ask from the nosy control freak. Instead, it was like interfacing with two children pretending to be adults. And of course, their issues cannot be theirs so they must make them ours.

In the grand scheme of things, none of this matters. It is merely another Seinfeld like episode and a reason why my friends tell me I have the greatest stories. I swear if you had left me alone in a room to come up with such a character, I am not certain I could have. Yet, the universe just keeps showing me different iterations of nuts and I am immensely grateful. Some people’s whacky behavior I interact with match mine. The nosy control freak, not so much. Honestly, I just wish he would shit where he is supposed to, on his own doorstep.  I am done cleaning up his shit.

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