Mean Girls In The Workplace

When did we start normalizing a toxic work environment? From the time I entered the workplace in my early twenties, I quickly became aware of the dog-eat-dog world I would need to grow accustomed to. Whether it has been people stealing my customers on the sales floor, my ideas in the office, the food on my desk, or taking credit for my contributions and awards, I am beginning to wonder why I have always looked the other way. Granted, I was too young for most of these incidents to know how to navigate those situations properly and stand up for myself. But now as an adult who has seen a few things, I am no longer going to pretend that this behavior or any behavior like that in the future is okay.

Unfortunately I have had people be mean to me for as long as I can remember. I have also had people be wonderful. But when it comes to the professional sphere, I’ve come across more angry sharks than I think anyone should ever have to experience. At one point I began to wonder if it was me, only to realize that no, it was definitely not me.

After my time on the sales floor, I was introduced to my first real office bully. I will refer to her as the supervisor who knew nothing but needed a job and something to make her feel good about herself. She had just given birth and spent most of the workday isolated in an office the company designated specifically for her breast feeding. Not kind or appreciative she felt entitled to everything. Not informed or educated about the business, she spent most days in our shared office, asking me ridiculous questions and sharing how she would weigh herself before and after she pooped. Workwise, she seldom contributed and when she did, it was only to tell my boss what a poor job I was doing. After a while I wanted to be professional and respectful, but her behavior was wearing on me. This was when I began bringing in my Walkman and listening to music on a regular basis. When her threats started to escalate, my mom told me, “You always wanted to be a lawyer, now is your chance, start documenting her behavior.” So, I did. When it came time for my brother’s 30^th birthday in New Orleans, I drove down to San Diego to present a media plan before flying out to celebrate. When I returned I was met by the head of my department who asked me to come down and explain myself. While we had a great working relationship, I felt my stomach drop as I approached his office. What could be the problem? I had just had a wonderful meeting and weekend. As I entered his office, closed the door, and sat down, I heard it. The supervisor who knew nothing had lied to him and told him I had left the Client meeting early. After my jaw hit the floor and I recollected it, I said something to the effect, why don’t you call the client and confirm that. He of course did not question me and quickly realized the accusation was ridiculous. Despite the incident concluding, I felt like road kill. What had just happened?

The second bully came in after the supervisor who knew nothing quit. She will be called, the one who did not see me leaving, coming. When she started, she had the same power trip my previous boss had had except hers was much worse. She prided herself on doing absolutely no work, delegating all to me and taking credit. When we would meet with the department head to discuss who should be working on which presentations, she would wait until we were back in our shared office to give me the presentation she was assigned. When I would clarify and say, “I am confused. I thought that was something the department head wanted you to complete.” Her retort was something along the lines of, “This is your assignment and something I will be evaluating in your performance review. So do it well.” When I did complete the presentation, she took it upon herself to delete selected slides from it only to run to the department head and tell him I had not done the requested and required work. Since I had created the tracking document, I had detailed notes recording the presentation’s date and time of completion. When I was questioned, I brought this document with me to the head of the department’s office. Of course, the issue was once again dropped immediately, but in my mind the wounds were still too fresh to stay and continue on this runaway rollercoaster.

When I left Advertising for Entertainment Marketing, I went from the frying pan into the fire. I wanted an escape, some reprieve. A place where I could work in peace and do what I loved and be left alone. Apparently, I would find that such a simple request would be too much to ask or hope for.

When I interviewed for the new job, I noticed the heavy energy in the office. It felt like someone had come in and sucked all of the joy out of the room. Closed door conversations, secrecy and fear were palpable. I did what anyone would do in my situation. I ignored it. I needed salvation. My first week, a woman pulled me into her office, slammed the door and told me to run and never come back. This place was toxic, and it is best to get out now. This was not what I wanted to hear.  Confused and taken aback, I was obviously not going to heed her advice, even though I should have.

Everyone at the company treated me poorly. A random woman I did not even work for handed me her expense report the second week I was there and asked me to complete it. While I am not above doing any work, I was not sure I was hired to be this woman’s assistant, so I asked my boss. What then ensued was a closed-door screaming match between the two Directors. This was the second major warning I ignored.

After that, there was the time my boss took me out to lunch for my birthday only to make the hostess cry for keeping us waiting. When he screamed at her, “Don’t you know who I am,” my only response to him was loss of all remaining respect and disgust. I turned to him and said, “Who do you think you are? I hope they don’t shit in my food now.” He looked at me and said nothing. It was the most uncomfortable lunch I have ever had.

In the office, he was much more of a tyrant as was his boss. Delegating to everyone else, I am not quite sure what they actually did besides steal other people’s ideas, act like catty mean girls and delegate, scream, delegate, complain. After years of emotional, mental, and psychological abuse from the two of them, I did what any animal who has been placed in a cage that keeps gets smaller and smaller does. I busted that lock open and attacked.

It has been almost a decade since I have worked for anyone else other than my clients. I am much happier now and have more clarity. I still come across bullies in the organizations that I work with and struggle to understand why it is so difficult for grown individuals to be civil, kind, and professional.

I recently heard a gentleman who talked about how big companies lack creative and imaginative people at the top of their organizations, thus resulting in why some companies fail and become stagnant. Of course, I found this amusing and validating.  What do CEO’s think will happen when you create a work environment that resembles a cage fight?

In discussing this subject with others, I have come across several people who have had their fair share of work horror stories. Whenever I assert that this not something that should be so prevalent, I hear the same answer – that is just the way it is. It may be the way it is, but it does not have to be. Imagine the things companies could accomplish if they stopped the backstabbing. Who has time for any of that drama and nonsense? Are we really that unevolved where we cannot place our egos aside and learn to work more harmoniously together? Are we so limited in our emotional intelligence and ability to grow that we need to continue the school bullying act and bring it to the office? When will grown ups start acting like adults and stop behaving as if the status quo is acceptable? We do not need to like each other or agree, but at the very least, we do need to act professionally.

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